How will they know, if no one teaches them?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately. Each of us have within us a set of skills and a knowledge base that we regularly take for granted. But where did those skills and that knowledge come from? Didn’t someone teach you? Think about it, if no one had ever taught you how to change a light bulb, you wouldn’t just naturally know how. You might be able to figure it out on your own, but you wouldn’t realize that the light would be hot while it was on unless you first touch it. We learn from people around us, we learn from reading and we learn from our experiences. But if you had never had those people to teach you, and if you hadn’t had those life experiences, what skills and knowledge would you be deprived of? It’s sobering to realize that what I might consider common sense, isn’t so common after all.

This post is about our residents and the joys of getting to instruct them in life skills, but really it’s a letter of appreciation to my parents, for I realize daily that they equipped me with so many valuable life lessons which other young people are deprived of. Last week the girls and myself were working on some little sewing projects – I’ve been teaching them some of the basics of sewing. I asked one young lady to iron a piece of fabric for me and as she brought the pressed piece to me, we noticed smoke coming from the board. She had left the iron face down on the board! My initial thought was, “How could she be so careless?! How could anyone not know that an iron should NEVER be left facing down!” Thankfully I was able to somewhat recover from my shock and attempt to give her a lesson on iron safety. “How could she know, if no one has taught her?”–I realized. The next day I did an “ironing lesson” with all of the girls and taught them how to properly iron a shirt and of course emphasized iron safety. 

Recently, I asked one of our girls to slice an onion for me. She willingly got a knife, a cutting board and an onion. She then proceeded to slice the onion without peeling away the outer layer or cutting off the ends. I asked another young lady to measure a pillow for a case we were making. She got the tape measure and the pillow, but couldn’t get much further than that without assistance. They knew the tools to use, but weren’t sure how to proceed. “How could they know, if no one has taught them?” 

Please don’t think poorly of our girls. Some of them do struggle academically and a few of them are working to complete their GED’s, but even in that, much of the reason for their lack of academic knowledge is due to poor circumstances and due to the lack of value placed on education during their upbringing. As for these other misunderstandings that I am talking about, they are from lack of experience and instruction. “How could they know, if no one has taught them?” 

I have found myself pausing and teaching life lessons daily to these girls, planned and unplanned. How to wash dishes, how to set a table,  how to pass food around the table, how to drive, how to stop and consider consequences before making a poor decision, how to clean up after yourself, how to apologize, how to challenge yourself, how to try new things...the list goes on. All of these seemingly common knowledge, and yet, really these were taught to us.

I’ve recently been reading a book called The Threshing, A Weapon Forged By Fire. It was given to me by the author, Marsha Winters. In her book, Marsha tells her story of coming to this country from Jamaica as a small girl. She faced verbal, physical, emotional and sexual abuse from family members and peers and grew up surrounded by darkness and pain. At age six, some neighbors started taking Marsha to church. She continued to go to church faithfully despite the harshness of her life throughout the week. I was amused by her reports of the first time she went to church. She had never seen such love and kindness, and church continued to be the only consistent place she found it. She mused at the way her neighbors disciplined their child in love, rather than beating her out of their anger and frustration. At that point in the story, I had to stop. I’ve never known anything different than discipline with love. I’ve never questioned my parents love for me. I’ve never known a world where the joy and love and peace that comes only from the Father, cannot be found. Yet, as I read the story, and mused upon the earlier question, I realized, “How can they know the love of the Lord, if no one has told them or shown them?” So many of the residents that we work with have never gone to church, never sat around a table for a decent meal preceded by prayer, and never been shown the Love of the Lord. Kyle and I are doing life the way we know how to do it. A way that involves waiting on each other to sit down and have a meal together, a way that involves helping one another out and caring for each other, a way that involves asking questions and listening, a way that involves praying. But the way we live, the environment we have created in our little mismatch home is foreign to these young people, yet, somehow they quickly adapt and grow comfortable in it. It becomes a source of peace for them, whether they realize it or not, they are experiencing the peace and love of a God who knows their past and their brokeness and still longs for their hearts. We may not remind them often enough with our words of the God that brought us here, but, by His grace, it is the way that we live that speaks louder anyways. 

I am thankful every day that I married a man with the heart of a teacher and a passion for instructing. He challenges me and encourages me to be a better teacher for our girls. There is such joy in bringing knowledge to people, no matter the age.

Be patient with those who don’t know the things you think they ought to know. Maybe no one has ever taught them. Maybe we should spend more time teaching and less time telling.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that is did not know him...This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers...Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth." ~ 1 John 3:1,16,18 (NIV)

"Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone." ~ Colossians 4:5-6 (NLT)

an overwhelming task

Where do I begin. So much has taken place in our little world in the last month that it is difficult to know where to start and how much to share.  We had a crazy whirlwind week for all of our transitional housing programs in a few intense days of moving people, furnishing homes, and preparing houses for residents to move in. We were informed with less than a week's notice that we would be moving into our home and getting our four female residents the following week. If that weren't hectic enough, I was also helping with the furnishing process for two other new homes besides our own...and the girls were coming– soon! With amazing help and against Satan's attempts to discourage success, we were able to prepare our home and welcome the first of our residents on Thursday, March 13th. 

Initially our girls came to us in frustration and confusion. They were sent to our program thinking it was just another shelter and without being informed that this was a "program" with expectations of work and working towards goals. The first few days were a little rough, as they felt like they had just been incarcerated rather than having just been selected for the chance to better their lives through this unique program. To our benefit, very little of their anger and frustration was directed towards us, just towards the program and the circumstances which had brought them here. We patiently allowed them time to process the transition and worked to make them feel at home and to help them see the benefits of the program. It didn't take long for them to recognize that they were in a safe place, where people love them and want to help them succeed. 

Now, over a month later, our girls (ages 18 to 23), call us their family, and refer to the house they live in as their home. Just the other day, one of the young ladies introduced me as a "second mama" — yikes, that’s a big title! One of the girls said that this feels more like family than their real family.

Each of our four young ladies has a unique story of how she came to be here, and each is being stretched and challenged in unique ways. Kyle and I are being stretched and challenged in unexpected ways.  Every day is filled with opportunities to encourage and help these young people look at the world through different eyes. Every night Kyle and I go to bed exhausted, but the joyful and thankful kind of exhaustion you get from a full day. One of these days I may have time to finish unpacking our room, but right now that is not what matters most.  Please be prayerful for us, our girls and all of the work that is being done here. Most days, I have no idea what I am supposed to say or do to be the best encourager I can be for these ladies. This work is too big for us alone, and I need to remember that we are not alone, simply ambassadors of LOVE and HOPE from the Creator who led us here. And He is indeed working here! With the Easter week celebrations we have had multiple conversations and opportunities to talk about God’s love for us and the reason He sent His Son. What an awesome and sometimes overwhelming task to share the story of Christ with these young women who know very little if anything about their Father and His love for them. They are listening and soaking it all up. They are watching, learning, reading and asking. We are amazed and completely blessed to be living here with these precious souls. God is alive and at work.

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again...

...Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His plea through us. We plead with you on Christ’s behalf, “Be reconciled to God!”                                          ~2 Corinthians 5 (NIV/NET) 

one month's worth

Our first month here has come and gone. Most of that time has been spent living in a beautifully restored house with Jerry and Fern Hill and five young men who are currently in one of our programs. Just last week the ranch closed on the house in which we will be living. We have moved most of our belongings into the house, but it needs a little work before we actually move ourselves in. 

I was recently offered a position to do some marketing work for the summer day camp that the ranch hosts. It has been great to have a part time job to add more structure to my day and to be doing something constructive with my time. I am still praying about and looking at job possibilities for speech therapy, but my NY state license has not been issued yet.

Kyle has jumped right into his position with a confidence that I admire. Much like working with HUF, this job easily becomes a 24/7 responsibility, but I guess we are already accustomed to that, so it hasn't been too difficult an adjustment on that front. Differing from HUF we are living with young men for whom daily disappointments and confrontations can easily escalate into moments of personal crisis. Each day seems to bring moments of pleasant encounters with the guys and moments of tension. Some days the pleasant moments are more frequent and overshadow the minor tense moments, other days it's the opposite.

We have been so absorbed with our transition and the work with the ranch, that we haven't really gotten a sense for life on Long Island as a whole...we're told the perks really come with the warmer weather. Besides the obvious benefits of living on an island (i.e. beach) to look forward to, we can't go anywhere without passing a little booth set up for selling locally grown seasonal products. We are excited to see the produce that will fill those roadside stands as the weather warms, and the vendors open their shops.

This week has had several of those tense moments I was referencing. With our arrival, there has been some enforcement of program elements and minor changes, some of which have been received well by residents, others, not so well. Some necessary consequences of following the program, resulted in harsh words and strong tones directed towards my husband. His calm, controlled responses contradict the heightened emotions I felt inside while listening to him control the situation. I so admire him for his confidence in moments like that. I tend to second guess myself, him and the program, but that is why he has the position he does, and I do not. There have also been some encouraging moments this week. One young man, who we have been helping with his job applications, complimented Kyle and me, saying that we have been a big help to him as he works to get his life on track. Another young man expressed appreciation, saying that he looks up to us as an example and really respects us. It's comments like these, that remind us why we are here and encourage us to continue. We really do feel very blessed to be here and to be a part of the amazing team of people who are in this ministry. God's hand is evident in the work being done. Please join us in praying daily that His love becomes more evident to the young men and women here.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; 

my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me."

Psalm 28:7

A visit to the beach on a wintery day

and so begins a new adventure!

A new adventure has begun! On January 29th, after passing through 14 states in one week, and stopping to see friends and family along the way, we arrived on Long Island in the snow covered Riverhead, New York to work with the Timothy Hill Children's Ranch. Due to delays with the bank, our house was not available for us to move into yet, so we were generously provided with a lovely apartment on the south side of the island. Five young men from the ranch were summoned to help us unload the U-haul, and their assistance was an immeasurable. Our cozy little apartment was quickly transformed into a cozy storage facility with stacks of boxes lining the walls. We anticipate being in our new house by the middle of February, so we don’t want to unpack too many things, but a few things can’t be helped. On our first morning, a fresh layer of snow and a gentle snow fall welcomed us to Long Island. We were delighted by the beauty it created and thankful that the snow held off until our arrival. Amused by our welcome, we cleaned the car off and trusted that our CR-V would be able to get out of the driveway. It was, and we enjoyed the scenery of our new environment as we carefully made our way to the ranch. 

In a morning meeting with the director, “Thud”, and social worker, Cheryl, our responsibilities and particularly Kyle’s duties as “transitional housing coordinator” were more clearly defined. Cheryl has taken on much more than her fair share with the expanding programs at the ranch. Much of what Kyle will be doing has been falling on her up until this point, so they have been meeting to clarify responsibilities and for Kyle to be caught up on the residents and how things have been running. Kyle spent the last two evenings observing and leading a 3x/week life skills class which he will become responsible for. I have been taking care of our paperwork , working on this blog post and the video, and visiting with other care takers. By 5:30 it is completely dark outside this time of the year, so our drive home has felt much later than it actually is. Our second evening at our apartment, Kyle set to work on dinner, while I rummaged through boxes searching for necessary items, such as pans, plates, cups, knives and a vegetable peeler. By the end of the evening we had put a few items in the cupboards, had a delicious dinner and found most of what we will need to survive here for the next few weeks, until we move again. 

Today we joined two of the residents and the social work intern to go spend the morning at the DMV. Through a series of almost humorous mishaps, Kyle and I were finally granted NY licenses. Back on the ranch, we were asked if we could stay at one of the houses for a few days starting this weekend while the care takers are away. So, I guess this will be our trial run. Nothing like jumping in with both feet!

We are excited and thankful to be here. Please keep us and the residents in your prayers as we build relationships, as we go through a training course next week and as we learn how best to serve in our new positions here. 

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

the beginning of something Great

Recently my husband and I made a trip to New York’s Long Island. We went for the purpose of visiting the Timothy Hill Children’s Ranch to interview and to explore the possibility of working with them. We weren’t sure what to expect, which I guess is partially why we were told, “You just need to come up here so that you can get to know us and what we’re about, and we can get to know you!” It was deemed an “exploratory interview” meaning neither party had a clear position in mind, but as talents and interests were exposed, a position might become evident. 

Being adventurous world travelers ourselves, we decided to get ourselves as far as we could by public transportation. The Long Island Railroad goes as far as Ronkokoma (which we could not pronounce correctly until several repetitions by the conductor). At Ronkokoma we boarded another shorter train to go further east to Riverhead. It seemed that the entire train from Manhattan was boarding the Ronkokoma train with us until we realized that most of the passengers were using the parked train as a bridge to get across the tracks to the station. By the time the doors actually closed and we left the station we were among perhaps only 5 other passengers going to Riverhead. At the small Riverhead station we were warmly welcomed by Timothy Hill’s friendly transportation coordinator. A short drive to the ranch and we were greeted by the warmth of Jerry and Fern Hill, founders of the ranch. Each person we met seemed to be filled with a contagious joy that only comes through knowing how to love.

We were blessed to be staying at the Hospitality House during the same time that some of the transitional housing residents were staying there. One young man of about 18 years of age arrived at the ranch the same day as us. He came into the kitchen while we were visiting with Ms. Fern. She welcomed him with the same warmth we were growing accustomed to. His posture spoke of unfamiliarity with the kindness being shown to him. With a sheepish smile, he thanked Mrs. Hill and with unexpected confidence stated, “I’m happy to be here, this is much better than where I came from.” Later we learned that this polite young man had just arrived from the local penitentiary. Throughout our time on the ranch, we observed how this young man grew more comfortable with his surroundings as he started to understand that the people around him were sincere and intentional in their love. Love and trust were evidently expressions he was not accustomed to. His transition was just a tiny glimpse of the change that the young men and women who come to Timothy HIll experience on a much larger scale. 

Christmas lights in NYC

We witnessed a board meeting where each resident was commended or reprimanded on their behavior and allowed to make requests. We visited with individuals and couples who have devoted a season of their lives to loving and mentoring young men and women who are working to get their lives on track. We participated in a family Thanksgiving meal. We witnessed a fist fight between residents and saw their mournful faces when they were reprimanded after the fact. We listened as one young man blatantly lied to the board and we also listened as another young man expressed his heartfelt thanks to the program upon his departure. Tough love was exhibited in the most tangible way I have ever seen it. 

Our final interview with the director of the program revealed a position that suited both our vision and our skills and talents. Much prayer and consideration went with us as we replayed our experience the days and weeks following our time in Riverhead. 

We spent a good 3 days in New York City after our time at Timothy Hill Children’s Ranch. The conversations we had at the ranch played over in our minds. The vision of how we could be used there excited us. The realization that God was evidently working through this experience to lead us was becoming clear. The very real faith in God and the sincere action of loving that we witnessed at the ranch left us inspired and uplifted.

Because of these things and much more, we have officially accepted a position at the ranch and are excited to join the work being done there. We know that great challenges will come with our commitment to loving our residents, but we pray that God will take our willingness and work through our weakness to do GREAT things. 

out of the overflow of the heart

Composed on 12.11.2013 regarding my recent work at a local nursing home.

She’s not exactly a pleasant woman to be around. Most of the day she stays hunched over in her wheelchair, either asleep or scooting herself up and down the hallways. She often dons a red crocheted beret, slightly tilted to one side. Her loosely buttoned blouse is nearly always stained with tobacco and saliva, her long nails carry remnants of yesterday’s meal. She carries her ziplock bag of tobacco in her blouse and tucks a clear plastic spit cup beside her on the cushion of her wheelchair. Sometimes I find her outside, sitting in a spot of sunshine...I wish more residents would go outside for some fresh air and sunshine. Ms. Marlene is not exactly a pleasant woman to be around, but beyond the exterior she has a special gift that she cannot keep to herself and this, more than the previous description, is what sets her apart. You cannot talk to Marlene about anything without her sharing words of faith in Jesus. 
“How are you today, Marlene?” 
“I’m alright. Thank the Lord! Thank the Lord!”
“Did you eat lunch today?”
“Yes. You know Jesus is the bread of life! He is the Good Shepherd!”
“I agree!”
“You’ve always got to tell the truth! Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life!”
“That’s true...I’ll see you later, Ms. Marlene”
“Okay, bye...Uuuhmaaazing grace! How sweet the sound....” she rolls away singing with a tremor in her aging voice.
That is a typical conversation with Marlene. Psychologically, she is not fully intact, but her conversations are an outpouring of the words that have filled her life. I don’t know her story. I don’t know how she lived her life. All I know, is that I want to live my life in such a way, that when my body is failing and my mind has gone, I want my spirit to still emit sweet words of Truth.

“For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34

our east texas adventure

At the end of a long dirt driveway I turn onto the county road that leads me through a enchanted corridor of overhanging trees. After a few turns, I emerge from the canopy onto state highway 1000. My drive snakes through pasture lands with grazing cattle on either side. The morning sun is just peeking over the horizon of trees as I make my first turn...a different landscape from the one we left not even two months ago...yet still a beautiful witness to the Creator. The moon is still visible behind me, surrounded by pink-lined clouds and elegantly suspended in the morning sky.  I've learned when and where to switch from the local Christian radio station to NPR, knowing exactly at which part of my drive I will loose and pick up each station. My life has changed. OUR life has changed.

We left Italy to land in the blazing heat of a Texas summer. The expanse of grasshoppers who have inhabited East Texas, welcomed us with hops and frolicking, which I can only assume meant they were delighted for our return. Our first weeks were spent getting settled into the house Kyle grew up in and spending time with family. We unpacked boxes, cleaned out closets, rearranged furniture, to make his old room into our room. We also spent a good bit of time taking care of a few things around the house for his sweet parents who have welcomed us to stay here with open arms. I didn't mind cleaning off the back patio, organizing the cabinets, cleaning out the fridge, and hanging the porch swing, the job that I didn't enjoy so much was battling the wasps and spiders who had made their home on the small front porch. I first tried talking to them to explain that they had chosen a terribly inconvenient place to settle as it was directly in our path to get to and from our cars and the house. They didn't seem to listen, the spider just sat suspended in her web, the wasps kept on with their busy buzzing. A few grasshoppers came by to see what the discussion was about, but they didn't stay long. So I had to resort to drastic measures. First the spider webs came down and the spiders that didn't run away were disposed of...a nasty business when they're bigger spiders. Then there were the dirt dauber nests. They were just high enough that I had to stand directly under them to break them down, meaning dirt was raining down onto my head...perhaps that bench we just moved to the back porch should have remained here until this job was done. With those more or less cleared away, it was time to attack the wasps - of whom I am terrified. I looked at the three nests hanging overhead in the corners. There were several wasps flying about. I thought for a second on my plan of attack, but then suddenly overwhelmed with having already destroyed several creatures and their homes, I decided to save these volatile beasts for my man to fight with. And he did. Days of battle against the stubborn wasps resulted at last, in safe passageway through the front door with only an occasional wasp flying by. Besides dealing with these little pests, our time back in the states, though drastically different from Italy, has been wonderful. Kyle and his dad have taught me a thing or two about cows. I learned to drive a tractor, and even had a lesson in pulling and parking a trailer. It's true, East Texas does have a lot to offer! More importantly, however, we have enjoyed precious time with Kyle's family. We have spent quality time with my parents and several of our family of friends. We had a fabulous road trip to Savannah, Georgia with some dear friends. In the midst of all that, we were were praying and searching for jobs and our faithful God has provided excellent jobs for both of us given our short-term circumstances. Until December, I have a job working at two nursing homes in the area and Kyle will be substitute teaching and driving the school bus for the school he went to. We don't know exactly what we'll do next, but we are excited about what lies ahead.

This is our East Texas adventure.