the move

Bags are packed. 

Walls are empty.
Hearts are heavy.
The shipment has been sent. 

Tears are starting to well up. 

For the last seven and a half years, my parents have been living and working in Beijing and on Monday, this chapter in our family's history will come to a close. It has not been until recently that I have realized how much my parents being here has impacted me. I am proud to tell people that my parents live in Beijing and I love coming to see them and being a part of their ministry here. I love learning new Chinese words and phrases each time I come. I love getting to know and encourage their fellow workers and people that have become like family in the absence of our own here. I love getting to witness the work that our Father is doing through my parents and through the believers here and in some small way getting to participate. Although I have never lived here, it feels like home...one of my many "homes" on this earth...and as we pack the last few items and prepare to leave this chapter of our lives, the emotions are rising. I am not unfamiliar with goodbyes, but this is not just goodbye. This is leaving what has become a part of mine and my family's identity in the past seven and a half years. I hope and pray that this place and the people here will remain a part of my life. 

There are many unknowns in the weeks and months ahead. I am trying to remain focused on the One who does not change and submit any anxiety about the unknown to Him. The One whose presence and love is unconditional and does not vary dependent upon where I go, where I leave or which job I take. 

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Romans 15:13

leaving the island

Snow egret on Assateague

This morning, with a loaded car, I filled my lungs with the salty sea air one more time before heading west. I drove across the causeway with the island in my rearview mirror, admiring a flock of snow egrets stealthily inhabiting the salty marsh and a blue heron hiding among the reeds. I’ve never been much of a bird watcher, but two months on Chincoteague will introduce you to a plethora of waterfowl and other birds whether you care to know about them or not. Although two months does go by quickly, I feel as though I have been on the Eastern Shore for much longer than that because of the connection I shared with some of the people I was honored to befriend during my stay. It is amazing what a difference relationships make in how you experience a place. 

In so many ways, my two months on the Eastern Shore were yet another display of God answering prayer above and beyond anything I could have planned for myself. And why, then, is my tendency still to take control and do my own thing? Clearly, He knows better. I was nervous about working in a nursing home, as I would be coming in with so little experience working with adults. By the grace of God, I was given this opportunity and now feel more confident and experienced in working with the adult and geriatric population. During my two months, I had the joy of mentoring a high school student intern as she observed me for a few hours each day and is planning to pursue a career in speech therapy. I was fearful that this job might be more stressful since it would be new for me, but with a lighter caseload and helpful co-workers, it was quite the opposite. I am coming away from the job refreshed by the experience, the relationships and the scenery. The weeks ahead hold a lot of traveling and many questions — this seems to be a recurring state for me — but after spending two months with people nearing the end of their lives, I am mindful of the brevity of our time on this earth and the joy and significance of living for a purpose beyond ourselves. The questions and concerns I face seem much smaller in light of the bigger picture that God has in mind to orchestrate.

Memorial Park with the Assateague lighthouse in the distance

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:12-14

Fog lifting from Assateague

 ^"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone." -James 4:14 (NLT)

where you least expect it

I have recently been listening to the audiobook of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. As he analyzes the idea of story and what makes a good story and what kinds of stories we are living out in real life he said something along the lines of, “people who are really living interesting lives don’t have time to write about it.” I’d like to attribute my silence to that, I haven’t had time to write because I’ve been too busy living. That may not be entirely true, but I like to think of it in those terms. 

I live on an island. 

When I first heard about the Eastern Shore, I had no idea this place existed. There is an isolated strip of land that runs down from Maryland about 70 miles, connecting with Virginia Beach only by tunnel-bridge. The shore is dotted with small communities, each with a unique character, most barely large enough to host a gas station. There is no interstate. There is only one Walmart on the entire Eastern Shore.   There is no Starbucks. When I left Front Royal, I was adamant about returning to an urban setting, and this is where I have found myself, a community of less than 5,000...God has a great sense of humor. Along the coast are several outlying islands, most of which are not populated at all. There is one island just before you get to Maryland, situated off the coast of the Eastern Shore and home to a small community of watermen, tourists, contractors and retirees.  This is Chincoteague Island — this is the place I have chosen to call home for my two month stay on the Eastern Shore. Work is down the shore, a bit of a commute, but I am pleased with my decision to live on the island. My townhouse is on the outer side of Chincoteague Island, facing the Atlantic which is just beyond the Assateague lighthouse. The first day I was giddy as I drove across the bridge, seagulls flying overhead. As I neared my new home, there was a pungent saltiness in the air — I filled my lungs with the aroma delighted that the salty ocean was so close I could smell it! Within a week or two I realized that the salty smell is from the shellfish farm down the road and is especially pungent on days they are processing or exporting oysters...not as romantic as smelling the ocean, but I don’t mind. There are more varieties of bird here than I know how to appreciate. Some mornings I have to stop for ducks to cross the road...everything moves slowly on the island. This time of year, many of the local shops are closed. I’m told this is a busy place in the summer when tourists overwhelm the town. Just a short 5 miles away is the beach. I have enjoyed visiting the beach this time of year. Last weekend, I couldn’t help but stick my toes in the sand even though it was much too cold to be going barefoot. 

There is something amazing about arriving at the ocean. Your journey, whether short or long, must come to a halt as you recognize the powerful stretch of waves ahead of you. I have reached that point on many different shorelines and I am always overwhelmed by the power displayed. How can I but stand in awe of the One more Powerful than this, the Creator that set the waves in motion. And that same Creator is living and active in my insignificant little life. How can this be? I have said it again and again, but I am continually amazed by the way God makes His presence known in the lives of His children. Each place I have traveled to, I have wondered where I am going to find community. Not just people to hang out with, but a support, a local family, a community of like-minded believers to spur me on and for me to encourage in the faith. And in each place, God has provided in ways I never could have imagined. The Eastern Shore seemed like a pretty unlikely place to find world-traveling, missional-minded fellow believers, but they are here. There may not be many of them, but by God's perfect plan, I have connected with a small group of them and other God-fearing believers, and they have become my community. When I first walked into the home where a weekly Bible study is held, I immediately knew I was among family. I was amazed by how God orchestrated my introduction to this treasured group my first week here through a co-worker who has become an immediate friend. I had no idea, but He did. I don’t know what lies ahead, but He does.

He is faithful. 

He provides. 

As I face questions ahead I am reminded of the prayer of Jehoshaphat as he faced a formidable army. He called the people of Judah together to fast and pray before the Lord and He concluded the prayer confessing: 

"We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."  

This is my prayer. I am helpless without Him. 

(2 Chronicles 20:12)

a Chincoteague Sunset over the bridge

Assateague Beach

full-time traveler

Dear reader: If your time is limited, skip the post and read the quote at the end...that’s all I really wanted to share, the rest is just my ramblings...

The new year came in what felt like a whirlwind of events and emotions. I made some last minute resolutions in order to keep up with social demands and for conversation sake, but without putting much thought and intention into them. A modest New Year’s Eve celebration was shared with my closest friend, Anna, her precious baby boy, and another friend. Just before midnight, she went to her husband’s concert to kiss her beloved at the strike of 12. I stayed with Charlie and had the great honor of placing a kiss on his sweet cheek to welcome in his very first new year. It was low-key, but memorable.

The first day of 2012, I was on the road again, continuing my journey to Texas. Less than 48 hours after my arrival, I was sedated for the removal of 4 wisdom teeth. The hours and days immediately following are a blur of indistinct memories. As I regained endurance and consciousness I remember feeling like I had missed the coming of the new year. That sense of a “fresh start” which frequently accompanies the first week in January was absent. My rushed resolutions seemed careless and generalized. A need for a fresh start to my new year was recognized...but fresh starts are hard to come by when I’m in transition. Allow me a moment to tell you what being in transition is like for me. In previous blog posts I have referenced both appreciation and moderation of having a routine. When I am in transition (specifically referring to the weeks or months in between my jobs and my trips, during which I have no consistent schedule or agenda), I don’t have a routine and I get a little lost and lazy. To put it plainly, without a schedule or deadlines I am not very good and managing my time and I have little motivation to do so. With this being the case at the start of 2012, I could not seem to get my mind clear enough to enter the new year with that fresh sense of renewal and preparedness...so I decided to put off new years until February 1st. (It’s okay, you can laugh). This has released me of the pressure I was putting on myself to be ready for the new year.  With that pressure removed, I was able to enjoy my still whirlwind first weeks of January and face other unanticipated decisions and events that were thrown at me. Now, the last week in January, I am a little tired from what was supposed to be my “time of rest” and I am eager to start my next job and eager to establish a routine, if only for 8 weeks. I am returning to Virginia, this time to the Eastern Shore, for a 2 month contract job starting this week. I feel much more prepared and excited for my “new year”, and I have had some time to put thought into establishing a few more meaningful personal resolutions. 

As I am daily reminded of the homelessness I feel on this earth, the passage in Hebrews 11:13-16 comes to mind. The great “heroes of faith” were described as “admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth” and “longing for a better country—a heavenly one.” It is hard being a full-time traveler. It is a challenge to stay focused, motivated and on task with the ever-changing and sometimes non-existent routine. Whether you are in one place or travel about, we are all travelers on a journey through life on earth. As followers of Christ, we are not called to an easy, comfortably-routined life, we are called to be travelers, foreigners, living in the world, but keeping ourselves from the world. At the Medical Missions Seminar in Ft. Worth last weekend, John Carr shared an excerpt from the 2nd century Letter to Diognetus regarding Christians. This is a long quote, but it is worth taking the time to read and consider the implications. Are we carrying on this identity that the early Christians portrayed? Do we live like foreigners on earth? 

Christians are not distinguished from other men by country, language, nor by the customs which they observe. They do not inhabit cities of their own, use a particular way of speaking, nor lead a life marked out by any curiosity. The course of conduct they follow has not been devised by the speculation and deliberation of inquisitive men. The do not, like some, proclaim themselves the advocates of merely human doctrines. Instead, they inhabit both Greek and barbarian cities, however things have fallen to each of them. And it is while following the customs of the natives in clothing, food, and the rest of ordinary life that they display to us their wonderful and admittedly striking way of life. They live in their own countries, but they do so as those who are just passing through. As citizens they participate in everything with others, yet they endure everything as if they were foreigners. Every foreign land is like their homeland to them, and every land of their birth is like a land of strangers. They marry, like everyone else, and they have children, but they do not destroy their offspring. They share a common table, but not a common bed. They exist in the flesh, but they do not live by the flesh. They pass their days on earth, but they are citizens of heaven. They obey the prescribed laws, all the while surpassing the laws by their lives. They love all men and are persecuted by all. They are unknown and condemned. They are put to death and restored to life. They are poor, yet make many rich. They lack everything, yet they overflow in everything. They are dishonored, and yet in their very dishonor they are glorified; they are spoken ill of and yet are justified; they are reviled but bless; they are insulted and repay the insult with honor; they do good, yet are punished as evildoers; when punished, they rejoice as if raised from the dead. They are assailed by the Jews as barbarians; they are persecuted by the Greeks; yet those who hate them are unable to give any reason for their hatred.

      To sum it all up in one word, what the soul is in the body, that is what Christians are in the world. The soul is dispersed through all the parts of the body, and Christians are scattered through all the cities of the world. The soul lives in the body, yet is not of the body; Christians live in the world, yet are not of the world.

Letter to Diognetus, adapted translation by Paul F. Pavao, Christian History for Everyman. Italics mine.

Celebrate

The car is packed - somehow fuller than when I traveled here in September. I've earned a free coffee at the local coffee shop which I intend to redeem to kick off the journey. I have one last patient to see, a few more goodbyes to say, then I'm off again. This place has taken me on a journey I never expected. I am grateful to have learned new skills and gained insight from this experience. I am blessed to have developed life long friendships with people who I can call family here. I am honored to have seen tangible ways that God has worked through me here. Who am I that He would choose to use me?! It is awesome and humbling to be used by God.

As we embark on this Christmas holiday weekend, I am mindful of the great privilege it is to be a child of God. The privilege that He, our Creator, chose to send His son for us. Indeed there is much reason for celebration this weekend and everyday. God loves us so much that he made Himself accessible to us. He wants you to be a part of His work, His perfect plan. He wants to use you, will you make yourself available?

this crazy life

I do crazy things. Many of the crazy things I've done might be categorized as "dangerous", I'm sure I'll agree when I have kids.  I explore foreign cities alone, I host strangers, I have jumped off cliffs, I make long road trips in a car that doesn't always start, I still eat food even if I find a hair in it, I drive long distances to meet up with friends for a few hours, I wake up at ridiculous hours to watch worldwide historic events, I sleep in airports, I leave airports to explore the city if my layover is longer than 5 hours, I climb trees and rocks, I frequently stop on the side of the highway to take pictures...the list goes on. When I hear other people talk about horror stories with travel I can't decide if I have just been spared these dramas or if it is truly a difference of perspective. God has shaped me into who I am today through my crazy adventures.  Through these experiences I have learned to not be afraid of trying new things. I have learned to be flexible and to face the inevitable hiccups and curve balls in life as new challenges worth working through and learning from. I have learned to expect the best from people -with discretion- before I assume the worst about them. I have learned that time with people is worth the trip to meet up with them. I have learned that God does provide in more ways than we realize. I have learned that everyone has a story worth hearing and providing a listening ear is of great value to those who receive it. I have learned to not live in fear of strangers, of catastrophe or of change, but to learn from them (Prov. 3:25). I have learned that some things are worth loosing sleep over. I have learned that not everyone shares my perspective. 


I am still learning. I attribute my experiences, the lessons learned and the perspective I am gaining as from the Lord. And I am thankful. I expect and hope that He will continue to grow me and teach me through my crazy experiences. 


I am about to embark on a new adventure. In just a few short weeks my comfortable routine is about to be disrupted…again. My life is about to change. As I write, I realize that every day has the potential to be a day that changes your life forever. Something dramatic could happen or something as mundane as a conversation with an old friend could stick with you and effect your decision making, thus altering the course of your life. There are plenty of questions swimming in my head as I face the changes ahead, but my excitement outweighs my fear because I live in communion with a God who does not change despite the changes life throws at me. I worship a God who has a purpose and plan for my life however crazy or seemingly mundane it is. With excited anticipation I look forward to the crazy life that lies ahead!


Oh, and for those who are curious, I don't yet know where I am going next.


"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Philippians 4:12


"Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath." Hebrews 6:17

"Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

“...a sweet friendship refreshes the soul...” ~Prov. 27:9 (the Message)

In Wednesday night ladies Bible class, the lesson was about being thankful for friends. As we read scriptures about friends and talked about where we make friends and the random friends that come across our path, I couldn’t help but smile. A smile stayed on my face throughout the remained of the lesson as I thought through all of the different friendships that have made and impact in my life. Some friends that I may never see again. Friends met on airplanes, trains, buses, who served as friends in transit, in times of confusion, in times of peace. When I needed a friend, a friend was provided. Friends that I’ve known my entire life, without whom I can’t imagine what life would be like. Friends from high school, college, grad school, jobs, family friends, my parents’ friends whose impact I have inherited. How can I not be thankful! What would life be like without these relationships? I pondered all this with a smile, realizing that I don’t have to wonder what life would be like, because my life is rich with precious relationships! Yes, I indeed have plenty to be thankful for.

I have just passed my halfway point for my 13 week contract in Front Royal, VA. Already God has blessed me with some life-long friends here. Some of you may recall I had a bit of a rough start with this placement, but it is these friendships that have made a difference and changed my perspective about my experience here. This will be another place that I recall fondly. I will have reason to come back here for a visit. This isn’t my home, but I have found a place and a purpose here. I have a family here.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” - C.S. Lewis

Shenandoah National Park