How will they know, if no one teaches them?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately. Each of us have within us a set of skills and a knowledge base that we regularly take for granted. But where did those skills and that knowledge come from? Didn’t someone teach you? Think about it, if no one had ever taught you how to change a light bulb, you wouldn’t just naturally know how. You might be able to figure it out on your own, but you wouldn’t realize that the light would be hot while it was on unless you first touch it. We learn from people around us, we learn from reading and we learn from our experiences. But if you had never had those people to teach you, and if you hadn’t had those life experiences, what skills and knowledge would you be deprived of? It’s sobering to realize that what I might consider common sense, isn’t so common after all.

This post is about our residents and the joys of getting to instruct them in life skills, but really it’s a letter of appreciation to my parents, for I realize daily that they equipped me with so many valuable life lessons which other young people are deprived of. Last week the girls and myself were working on some little sewing projects – I’ve been teaching them some of the basics of sewing. I asked one young lady to iron a piece of fabric for me and as she brought the pressed piece to me, we noticed smoke coming from the board. She had left the iron face down on the board! My initial thought was, “How could she be so careless?! How could anyone not know that an iron should NEVER be left facing down!” Thankfully I was able to somewhat recover from my shock and attempt to give her a lesson on iron safety. “How could she know, if no one has taught her?”–I realized. The next day I did an “ironing lesson” with all of the girls and taught them how to properly iron a shirt and of course emphasized iron safety. 

Recently, I asked one of our girls to slice an onion for me. She willingly got a knife, a cutting board and an onion. She then proceeded to slice the onion without peeling away the outer layer or cutting off the ends. I asked another young lady to measure a pillow for a case we were making. She got the tape measure and the pillow, but couldn’t get much further than that without assistance. They knew the tools to use, but weren’t sure how to proceed. “How could they know, if no one has taught them?” 

Please don’t think poorly of our girls. Some of them do struggle academically and a few of them are working to complete their GED’s, but even in that, much of the reason for their lack of academic knowledge is due to poor circumstances and due to the lack of value placed on education during their upbringing. As for these other misunderstandings that I am talking about, they are from lack of experience and instruction. “How could they know, if no one has taught them?” 

I have found myself pausing and teaching life lessons daily to these girls, planned and unplanned. How to wash dishes, how to set a table,  how to pass food around the table, how to drive, how to stop and consider consequences before making a poor decision, how to clean up after yourself, how to apologize, how to challenge yourself, how to try new things...the list goes on. All of these seemingly common knowledge, and yet, really these were taught to us.

I’ve recently been reading a book called The Threshing, A Weapon Forged By Fire. It was given to me by the author, Marsha Winters. In her book, Marsha tells her story of coming to this country from Jamaica as a small girl. She faced verbal, physical, emotional and sexual abuse from family members and peers and grew up surrounded by darkness and pain. At age six, some neighbors started taking Marsha to church. She continued to go to church faithfully despite the harshness of her life throughout the week. I was amused by her reports of the first time she went to church. She had never seen such love and kindness, and church continued to be the only consistent place she found it. She mused at the way her neighbors disciplined their child in love, rather than beating her out of their anger and frustration. At that point in the story, I had to stop. I’ve never known anything different than discipline with love. I’ve never questioned my parents love for me. I’ve never known a world where the joy and love and peace that comes only from the Father, cannot be found. Yet, as I read the story, and mused upon the earlier question, I realized, “How can they know the love of the Lord, if no one has told them or shown them?” So many of the residents that we work with have never gone to church, never sat around a table for a decent meal preceded by prayer, and never been shown the Love of the Lord. Kyle and I are doing life the way we know how to do it. A way that involves waiting on each other to sit down and have a meal together, a way that involves helping one another out and caring for each other, a way that involves asking questions and listening, a way that involves praying. But the way we live, the environment we have created in our little mismatch home is foreign to these young people, yet, somehow they quickly adapt and grow comfortable in it. It becomes a source of peace for them, whether they realize it or not, they are experiencing the peace and love of a God who knows their past and their brokeness and still longs for their hearts. We may not remind them often enough with our words of the God that brought us here, but, by His grace, it is the way that we live that speaks louder anyways. 

I am thankful every day that I married a man with the heart of a teacher and a passion for instructing. He challenges me and encourages me to be a better teacher for our girls. There is such joy in bringing knowledge to people, no matter the age.

Be patient with those who don’t know the things you think they ought to know. Maybe no one has ever taught them. Maybe we should spend more time teaching and less time telling.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that is did not know him...This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers...Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth." ~ 1 John 3:1,16,18 (NIV)

"Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone." ~ Colossians 4:5-6 (NLT)

an overwhelming task

Where do I begin. So much has taken place in our little world in the last month that it is difficult to know where to start and how much to share.  We had a crazy whirlwind week for all of our transitional housing programs in a few intense days of moving people, furnishing homes, and preparing houses for residents to move in. We were informed with less than a week's notice that we would be moving into our home and getting our four female residents the following week. If that weren't hectic enough, I was also helping with the furnishing process for two other new homes besides our own...and the girls were coming– soon! With amazing help and against Satan's attempts to discourage success, we were able to prepare our home and welcome the first of our residents on Thursday, March 13th. 

Initially our girls came to us in frustration and confusion. They were sent to our program thinking it was just another shelter and without being informed that this was a "program" with expectations of work and working towards goals. The first few days were a little rough, as they felt like they had just been incarcerated rather than having just been selected for the chance to better their lives through this unique program. To our benefit, very little of their anger and frustration was directed towards us, just towards the program and the circumstances which had brought them here. We patiently allowed them time to process the transition and worked to make them feel at home and to help them see the benefits of the program. It didn't take long for them to recognize that they were in a safe place, where people love them and want to help them succeed. 

Now, over a month later, our girls (ages 18 to 23), call us their family, and refer to the house they live in as their home. Just the other day, one of the young ladies introduced me as a "second mama" — yikes, that’s a big title! One of the girls said that this feels more like family than their real family.

Each of our four young ladies has a unique story of how she came to be here, and each is being stretched and challenged in unique ways. Kyle and I are being stretched and challenged in unexpected ways.  Every day is filled with opportunities to encourage and help these young people look at the world through different eyes. Every night Kyle and I go to bed exhausted, but the joyful and thankful kind of exhaustion you get from a full day. One of these days I may have time to finish unpacking our room, but right now that is not what matters most.  Please be prayerful for us, our girls and all of the work that is being done here. Most days, I have no idea what I am supposed to say or do to be the best encourager I can be for these ladies. This work is too big for us alone, and I need to remember that we are not alone, simply ambassadors of LOVE and HOPE from the Creator who led us here. And He is indeed working here! With the Easter week celebrations we have had multiple conversations and opportunities to talk about God’s love for us and the reason He sent His Son. What an awesome and sometimes overwhelming task to share the story of Christ with these young women who know very little if anything about their Father and His love for them. They are listening and soaking it all up. They are watching, learning, reading and asking. We are amazed and completely blessed to be living here with these precious souls. God is alive and at work.

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again...

...Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His plea through us. We plead with you on Christ’s behalf, “Be reconciled to God!”                                          ~2 Corinthians 5 (NIV/NET) 

one month's worth

Our first month here has come and gone. Most of that time has been spent living in a beautifully restored house with Jerry and Fern Hill and five young men who are currently in one of our programs. Just last week the ranch closed on the house in which we will be living. We have moved most of our belongings into the house, but it needs a little work before we actually move ourselves in. 

I was recently offered a position to do some marketing work for the summer day camp that the ranch hosts. It has been great to have a part time job to add more structure to my day and to be doing something constructive with my time. I am still praying about and looking at job possibilities for speech therapy, but my NY state license has not been issued yet.

Kyle has jumped right into his position with a confidence that I admire. Much like working with HUF, this job easily becomes a 24/7 responsibility, but I guess we are already accustomed to that, so it hasn't been too difficult an adjustment on that front. Differing from HUF we are living with young men for whom daily disappointments and confrontations can easily escalate into moments of personal crisis. Each day seems to bring moments of pleasant encounters with the guys and moments of tension. Some days the pleasant moments are more frequent and overshadow the minor tense moments, other days it's the opposite.

We have been so absorbed with our transition and the work with the ranch, that we haven't really gotten a sense for life on Long Island as a whole...we're told the perks really come with the warmer weather. Besides the obvious benefits of living on an island (i.e. beach) to look forward to, we can't go anywhere without passing a little booth set up for selling locally grown seasonal products. We are excited to see the produce that will fill those roadside stands as the weather warms, and the vendors open their shops.

This week has had several of those tense moments I was referencing. With our arrival, there has been some enforcement of program elements and minor changes, some of which have been received well by residents, others, not so well. Some necessary consequences of following the program, resulted in harsh words and strong tones directed towards my husband. His calm, controlled responses contradict the heightened emotions I felt inside while listening to him control the situation. I so admire him for his confidence in moments like that. I tend to second guess myself, him and the program, but that is why he has the position he does, and I do not. There have also been some encouraging moments this week. One young man, who we have been helping with his job applications, complimented Kyle and me, saying that we have been a big help to him as he works to get his life on track. Another young man expressed appreciation, saying that he looks up to us as an example and really respects us. It's comments like these, that remind us why we are here and encourage us to continue. We really do feel very blessed to be here and to be a part of the amazing team of people who are in this ministry. God's hand is evident in the work being done. Please join us in praying daily that His love becomes more evident to the young men and women here.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; 

my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me."

Psalm 28:7

A visit to the beach on a wintery day

and so begins a new adventure!

A new adventure has begun! On January 29th, after passing through 14 states in one week, and stopping to see friends and family along the way, we arrived on Long Island in the snow covered Riverhead, New York to work with the Timothy Hill Children's Ranch. Due to delays with the bank, our house was not available for us to move into yet, so we were generously provided with a lovely apartment on the south side of the island. Five young men from the ranch were summoned to help us unload the U-haul, and their assistance was an immeasurable. Our cozy little apartment was quickly transformed into a cozy storage facility with stacks of boxes lining the walls. We anticipate being in our new house by the middle of February, so we don’t want to unpack too many things, but a few things can’t be helped. On our first morning, a fresh layer of snow and a gentle snow fall welcomed us to Long Island. We were delighted by the beauty it created and thankful that the snow held off until our arrival. Amused by our welcome, we cleaned the car off and trusted that our CR-V would be able to get out of the driveway. It was, and we enjoyed the scenery of our new environment as we carefully made our way to the ranch. 

In a morning meeting with the director, “Thud”, and social worker, Cheryl, our responsibilities and particularly Kyle’s duties as “transitional housing coordinator” were more clearly defined. Cheryl has taken on much more than her fair share with the expanding programs at the ranch. Much of what Kyle will be doing has been falling on her up until this point, so they have been meeting to clarify responsibilities and for Kyle to be caught up on the residents and how things have been running. Kyle spent the last two evenings observing and leading a 3x/week life skills class which he will become responsible for. I have been taking care of our paperwork , working on this blog post and the video, and visiting with other care takers. By 5:30 it is completely dark outside this time of the year, so our drive home has felt much later than it actually is. Our second evening at our apartment, Kyle set to work on dinner, while I rummaged through boxes searching for necessary items, such as pans, plates, cups, knives and a vegetable peeler. By the end of the evening we had put a few items in the cupboards, had a delicious dinner and found most of what we will need to survive here for the next few weeks, until we move again. 

Today we joined two of the residents and the social work intern to go spend the morning at the DMV. Through a series of almost humorous mishaps, Kyle and I were finally granted NY licenses. Back on the ranch, we were asked if we could stay at one of the houses for a few days starting this weekend while the care takers are away. So, I guess this will be our trial run. Nothing like jumping in with both feet!

We are excited and thankful to be here. Please keep us and the residents in your prayers as we build relationships, as we go through a training course next week and as we learn how best to serve in our new positions here. 

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14